More Chuck Norris Jokes....

1. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
3. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
4. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
5. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
7. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
8. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
9. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
11. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
12. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
13. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
14. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
15. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
16. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
18. Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
19. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
20. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
21. Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
22. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
23. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
24. Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com
25. The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis.