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Chuck Norris Jokes |
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Written by CubeSlacker
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Page 19 of 19
More of your Chuck Norris Jokes....
350. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. ---submitted by Michael G
351. Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is. ---submitted by pz
352. Barack Obama saw Chuck walking beside the freeway (faster than most of the cars!) so he pulled up to him and said, "You're one of the evil rich and when I'm president, your taxes will go way way up. It has to be that way so we can make everything fair for everybody". Chuck just smiled and faked a roundkick and the gas guzzling - carbon spewing SUV sped away pronto. Like with most subjects, Barack is uninformed. He never read CN fact #17. Also, Len: Are you voting for Obama? ---submitted by pz
353. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. ---submitted by Michael G
354. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. ---submitted by Michael G
355. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. ---submitted by Michael G
356. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." ---submitted by Michael G
357. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. ---submitted by Michael G
358. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. ---submitted by Michael G
359. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. ---submitted by Michael G
360. Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly. ---submitted by Michael G
361. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks. ---submitted by Michael G
362. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. ---submitted by Michael G
363. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. ---submitted by Michael G
364. Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms. His penis has its own protective shield. ---submitted by Jessica
365. Jesus may have walked on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land. ---submitted by po
366. Chuck Norris made the Most Interesting Man say uncle.....twice in 1 minute. ---submitted by J. Wright
367. chuck norris drinks his pills with alchohol. ---submitted by Teegan
368. Chuck Norris leaps before he looks. ---submitted by Teegan
369. Chuck Norris is so perfect you can use his poop to wipe your butt ---submitted by chris w.
370. Chuck Norris dressed up in a Halloween costume and submitted himself as Micheal
Phelps in the 2008 Olympics. ---submitted by Lucas
371. When the foreskin on chuck Norris’s penis was removed as an infant, the doctors could not seem to get rid of it, and the skin is now used as the secret armor on United States m1a1 Abrams Tanks, and since, no Abrams have ever been lost in combat by an enemy tank. ---submitted by DWM
372. Chuck Norris can score a 17 on 18 holes. ---submitted by Matt
373. When Chuck Norris goes to the zoo he makes the animals pay to see him.........with there lives. ---submitted by Kevin F
374. When Chuck Norris goes horse back riding Chuck Norris has the horse ride on his back. ---submitted by Kevin F
375. Chuck Norris's sperm has so much testosterone, that the side effect of having sex with Chuck Norris is growing a penis. ---submitted by Kevin F
376. Chuck Norris is the reason we play hide-n-seek! ---submitted by Chocoturtle
377. There are three alignments: good, evil, and Chuck Norris ---submitted by Chocoturtle
378. Chuck Norris tried out being a porn star. he was not successful. every take ended with his co-star being impaled or choking to death when the fellatio scene began. ---submitted by William L
379. Chuck Norris went to hell for a holiday. ---submitted by da nult
380. Cops don't use bullet proof vests. They use Chuck Norris. ---submitted by Seth
381. If bisexuals are revolving doors then Chuck norriss can slam a revolving
door. ---submitted by Bryan W
382. Chuck Norris once round housed Tom in the face, Tom asked "why'd you do that for?" Chuck said "cause everywhere is MY SPACE DAMNIT!! ---submitted by Brandyn L.
383. Chuck Norris round house kicked the plastic surgery out of Michael Jackson. ---submitted by Jacob S
384. The USDA has just reviewed and revised their food pyramid. In order to help people live healthier lives, they removed the fruits from the second level and replaced it with Chuck Norris bath water. ---submitted by pz
385. Most of you have heard that the North Korean missile just fell into the ocean - not so. Chuck was sitting on the back porch of his ranch house just outside of beautiful Navasota TX when he saw it take off. He whipped out his trusty Marln 22 lever action and laid two slugs into the heart of the beast, open sights, no scope needed for such a simple shot. ---submitted by pz
386. Chuck Norris can drown a fish! ---submitted by christian
387. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris ---submitted by amp
388. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa ---submitted by amp
389. Chuck Norris can find the ohter end of a rainbow. ---submitted by amp
390. Chuck Norris can spell Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicolvolcanoconiosis backward. ---submitted by amp
391. The Sexual Prime for human males is age 18. Chuck Norris has been 18 since birth. ---submitted by Zach A.
392. Chuck Norris's calendar skips from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris. ---submitted by Kevin D.
393. Chuck Norris once decided to uppercut a horse... that is how we know of the
giraffe. ---submitted by R.J. Sanchez.
394. Chuck Norris can gargle Peanut Butter with peanuts and butter in his mouth. ---submitted by Ish
395. Chuck Norris is so good he can ride a wheelie on a unicycle. ---submitted by nick
396. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?
Answer: All of it ---submitted by Ray
397. The dinosaurs went extince because of the Chuck Norrisaurus. ---submitted by Ray
398. Chuck Norris is so tough that when he wants eggs for breakfast he cracks a
chicken ---submitted by Jack
399. Chuck Norris once blinked...the average age of death for an American increased
by .0324 seconds. ---submitted by Jimmy
400. Superman once watched an episode of Walker Texas Ranger... he then proceeded to
cry himself to sleep. ---submitted by ZJC
401. Chuck Norris does not eat to live, he eats to kick ass. ---submitted by DBright
402. Do you know why Chuck Norris uses the Total Gym? Because the only thing that provides enough resistance for Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. ---submitted by Aaron
403. OCD is obsessed with Chuck Norris. ---submitted by cc
404. Each time Chuck Norris holds his breath the whole world loses complete Oxygen. ---submitted by BDC King Richard
405. The " Oil Spill " caused in the Gulf of Mexico is actually a cover-up for Chuck Norris' toilet plumbing. ---submitted by BDC King Richard
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Random Joke |
“The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis.”
-Anonymous |
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