More Chuck Norris Jokes....

1. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
   
2. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
   
3. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
   
4. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
   
5. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
   
6. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
   
7. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate a fucking Indian.
   
8. On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
   open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."
   
9. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
   
10. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
    a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
    
11. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
    
12. Each individual hair in Chuck Norris' beard has a beard of its own.
    
13. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
14. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't pluck up the courage to tell him
15. Chuck Norris once knocked out Mike Tyson in a bare knuckle boxing match... with both hands tied behind his back.
16. chuck norris frequently signs up for beginners karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.
17. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out fully solved.
18. Chuck Norris is said to have roundhouse kicked a McDonald's so hard that it became a Wendy's.
19. Chuck Norris is where babies come from.
20. Chuck Norris invented a language that uses kicks and punches. So if he kicks your ass, don't take it personally. He may just be trying to say that he likes your hat.
21. When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
22. On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
23. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
24. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
25. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.